OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
