I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
