That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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