What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
