chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
