dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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