so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
