If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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