I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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