Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
