Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize