its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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