I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
