What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were destined to go to rehab together
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
