i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
only you would photoshop your dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
