I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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