What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is wine microwaveable?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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