Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
