I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
