i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
