we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
