Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
