GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
