if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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