he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
