i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
