He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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