Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
