Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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