Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
