He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
