he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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