So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize