There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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