i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
