I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
