like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
