just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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