My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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