She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
