the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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