yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
