So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
