Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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