He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
