Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
