I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
pop tarts are not kleenex
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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