The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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