the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
