I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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