Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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