Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
