your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
