I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize