there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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