Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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