I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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