They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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