why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
