dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
