I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
