Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
