If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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