Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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