Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
