Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
