I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
