There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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