Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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