Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
